She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
