It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
