My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize