It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
