Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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