i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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