Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
