i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
