Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
