That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
