everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
