Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
