I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
