so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
