Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
