Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
