How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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