I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize