meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
