There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dicks are not precious.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
