it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Life is so much better after having sex.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize