i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
