He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
