my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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