I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
