the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
