Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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