I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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