Having a random hookup so left but love u
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
