Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
