Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize