Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
