You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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