my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
