we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
