Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
