and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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