Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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