i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
