just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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