I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
