Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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