just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just gargled with NyQuil
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
