I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
