Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
