saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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