Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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