Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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