she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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