I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
