Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
