After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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