im about as happy as oj after his trial
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
