you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
two words...techno handjob
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
