It was confusing and full of hummus
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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