You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
