i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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