forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
