Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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