He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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