You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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