he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
