Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
