GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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